I didn’t blog yesterday, or Saturday, for a very good reason. Guys, I was busting my brain trying to finish my chapter outline by the end of April.
Sadly, I did not succeed. *Insert tears of defeat*
I’m actually not sad or the least bit upset about it. Of course I would love to be done with this outline so I can finally begin writing. However, I have worked tirelessly on this outline, to the point even my boyfriend told me I was inspiring. At minimum, I spent an hour every day on weeknights, (usually more), and weekends was anywhere between three to five hours. I have made serious, serious progress. I would say I am 80% done.
To be honest, I think I underestimated the scope of my book from day one. The further I get into it, the more subplots I create, find things I still want to include, mysteries to unravel, the list goes on and on. To be honest, I’m having so much fun writing fantasy, but sometimes creativity doesn’t just…happen. There are many days where I have to sit and stare at my outline for two hours before I create something that I think is just ok. On those days, after a long outlining session, I find myself thinking I just want to write a boy-meets-girl love story. (Not trying to undersell romance or any other genre, all writing is hard and I appreciate all genres.) Sometimes though, my brain writing fantasy feels like this (example), “Ok, she’s dead. Her dad’s still an alcoholic. Now I need a tree. A telekinetic tree. One that moves the Earth when it wants. Then a massive earthquake happens and families fall apart.” A crazy example that makes no sense, I know, but this is my mind on fantasy.
I love it to my very core, but some days I actually feel like my brain is tired. I’m completely aware how dumb that sounds, but I think other writers will know exactly what I’m talking about. You know? Your body is fine, you want to do things, but if someone tries to have a conversation with you, you smile but you don’t process much nor give much back. These past few weeks, trying to finish my outline, have been endless nights of that exhaustion, (it’s a great thing John’s not a talker:)). I also now know how hard I can work when I want to, and that sometimes my ideas aren’t going to be stellar. Not every moment in my book can be a game-changer. In order to outline, I need to just make decisions to keep my ideas flowing. Whether they are considerably shitty ideas at first or not. Make them and move forward.
Tonight, I’m taking a break from plotting, mostly because it’s already too late for me to function and I went to bed later than usual last night. I’m back at it again tomorrow, and though I didn’t finish my outline by the end of April, I can still accomplish my quarterly goal of having a complete outline and first draft of the first five chapters by the end of June.
The next time I reflect will be then, but for now I push forward, and keep dreaming. Next week, maybe I’ll actually do a book review… *gasps* 🙂